Today is an update on how my life has been and I’ll be talking about some things that have been on my mind, lately. One of those things is about blogging, as you can tell by the title.
So let’s talk about life in general. Life has been okay. Not particularly great though. I’ve been in a rut for quite some time due to stress and anxiety. My anxiety has been particularly bad the last few months. I have skipped university quite occasionally and I’ve been trying to change that in the last two weeks, with success, but it’s still very hard to combat the feelings and thoughts in my head. Anxiety is so weird. I love going to class and I love the subject of the classes, but something inside of me withholds me to leave my home. I’ve also been having thoughts that I haven’t had in a few years and my situation is starting to affect other people and their lives. Therefore, I’m thinking of revisiting a psychologist to work on the anxiousness again. In the past, therapy has helped to reduce the anxiety massively and I think it isn’t a bad thing to go back when it resurfaces. Talking to somebody who doesn’t have a clue about who you are and has a somewhat objective view is different compared to talking to the people that are close to you. People that you talk to on a daily basis tend to give you advice, which isn’t a bad thing, but giving advice doesn’t usually change someone’s perspective or attitude. I want to take small steps and delve deeper as to why I’m feeling anxious again and a psychologist is trained to do so. I would like to know if any of you have ever experienced this overwhelming sense of anxiety and what you do to combat it? So yeah, that’s the anxiety update, haha.
Let’s talk a bit about blogging now. Blogging has been a hobby of mine since last year. Unfortunately, I have hit rock bottom. I still love writing but the happiness I get from writing and postings reviews/looks/other posts has disappeared. And with that, also my motivation. I do think it’s because of my mental issues that there is a lack of passion lately. However, I also think that the blogging community has a role in it. I follow some really talented people on WordPress and also Instagram and you cannot help but compare yourself and your abilities. This comparing has made me feel really bad for the last few weeks whenever I wanted to write or post something. Hence why I haven’t been posting much the last two months, haha. It’s also about my appearance and not only my writing abilities. That’s why I’ve decided to start uploading close-ups exclusively on Instagram and WordPress. I won’t be showing my face anymore for a while until I feel comfortable again. In the meantime, I will work on the quality of my makeup looks because I haven’t been content with them. I want to work on lightening, sharpness and overall quality of the picture. That’s also an example of the pressure that is put on you by Instagram or blogging. Every detail has to be perfect and the way other people want it. It has to have a vibe, a coherence, an aesthetic and I don’t want to be immaculate anymore.
The amount of people that read my blog or like looks on Instagram has also dropped quite a bit. It’s not something that I particularly mind but it does make me doubt the content I write/post. I’ve been wondering if it isn’t interesting or good anymore. The blogging community has me feeling that people just scroll over your post instead of reading it. It also seems as if they give it a like and a superficial comment just to spread the existence of their blog. I’m not trying to offend anyone but that’s just the feeling I’ve been having recently. Of course, the problem could be that my content isn’t well enough and I would very much like to know how I can improve it. So yeah, please let me know 🙂 . I would also like to address that I do read almost every post of the people that I follow (unless I haven’t been on WordPress for a few days) and I want to comment so many wonderful things but yet again, I’m too anxious to do so. So, that’s my opinion.
This lack of support and companionship in the community made me think that I would like to change my approach to other bloggers a bit. I want to be more supportive by commenting more often and telling you how much I appreciate your existence. However, this will take some time and a lot of courage, so please be patient and know that I love what I read. I also hope that people kind of understand what I mean and I hope a change will come soon. Because I have to be honest with you that if this atmosphere stays, then I’m not sure if I will continue blogging. It will become a task rather than something that’s enjoyable and that’s not a healthy approach.
Thank you all so much for reading this little Dolce Far Niente Update, if you read it 😉 . I’m eternally grateful for all of you and the friends I’ve made through this platform. I’m an introvert, no denying that, but this place gives me happiness and comfort.
Thank you all and see you next time!